She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
