i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Randomize
