I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
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