Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
