Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Pi�atas plus fireworks don't mix well
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
