Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Randomize
