I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
