Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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