I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Randomize
