the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
