Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
