Ambien. No doubt about it.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
