also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize
