What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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