booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
