please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
My sheets look like a crime scene.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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