sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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