dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
