I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
She bit a glass in half.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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