I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
