Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
