I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
