how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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