1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
