ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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