Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
