Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
