i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
well I can't set my house on fire every night
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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