Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Randomize
