apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
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