A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
