were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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