i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
