I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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