Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize
