I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
