That's intense
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Randomize
