i just wanna soil my oats bro
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
