Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
