He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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