dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
You've changed since you got that strap on
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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