I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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