It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
