Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
