She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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