Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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