My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
