Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
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