I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
how drunk are you?
Several
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
