How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
