so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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