Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
God I need to hump something, right now.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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