Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
