There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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