Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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