pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Randomize
